![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Inherently Bad
Wordcount: 807
What: Two hours on the road, FOB's Irresistible and the urge to pick someone's brain.
Status: Complete
On the surface, my father seems to be the kind one would easily consider a 'deadbeat dad', one who would rather live free and ignore his children. That isn't the case. As much as he leaves us to our own devices, he's rather hands on. Never once has he abandoned us. The devil is an overbearing, protective sire. He subverts expectations that way. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe he chooses to dote over me because of my position as his eldest. Because I'm the 'good son', the 'rational son'. Because I have one foot in the grave and my days are numbered. The fact I can't attain a permanent vessel to save my life (quite literally at that) means I don't afford myself too many chances for opportunity. Socializing is certainly off the table. I limit myself to reading and study. Compared to my brothers, this current body is weak. Thin. I make Samael look hale. I spend most my time resting. But that being said...
Have you ever wanted something so inherently bad for you?
You know you shouldn't. Every ounce, every molecule, every cell you own is telling you no. Every instinct says you mustn't and yet... yet.
Ah. Perhaps I must be slightly masochistic.
But even if I am, I figure why not take the chance? I deem it as a combination of masochism and the subconscious need to be wanted... no matter who wants you and for what reason. After all, if my time is limited, then what's the harm? I daresay it's the first impulsive decision I've made in my life. Maybe I truly am my father's son, giving in to something to illogical. Probably my worst judgement call... And somehow, I look forward to it. I'd like to think I was better than my brothers, goodness knows much better than my father who seems to be the father of impulse over anything else.
I also look forward to seeing the look on my father's face when he finds out I've done something terribly risky and utterly dangerous.
Inherently bad for me, yes.
Can you blame me? I spend all this time in a cage of my own design, limited by fetters created out of my own power. That would be the drawback of being the devil's eldest; all this power that no mortal body can contain it. Any body I get is slowly burned from the inside out by my own fire and I've yet to grasp what it takes to find a vessel like my father and Samael have. With my limited time, I'll take what I can get when opportunity to break the mundane strikes, even if it's something the father of irrational decisions would call impulsive.
Some would say I'm at a rebellious age. I'm doing it for attention, so my father notices and scolds me for it. Who knows? But there's a thrill to the forbidden, there's a rush that makes me think those self-identifying adrenaline junkies are on to something. The scolding would make for an interesting evening.
I understand, mind you. I understand the consequences of a soul like mine (or perhaps the essence is the better word) consumed by father-knows-what. Next to father, there is no other demon in Gehenna stronger than I, after all. Were I to offer myself up to pact with someone, they would be gifted with immense power. My partner would have to be someone who I trusted immensely and believed worthy of my power.
It would be nice... I suppose... to find someone I can give myself to that completely.
Unlike any of my brothers, I have no romantic dreams. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I haven't allowed myself to have any. Why dream of something entirely out of my grasp? Why go through the trouble of leaving regrets? Once this shell gets burned through, I return to Gehenna. However, I can't help but be curious. I want to know how it feels, being caught up in something much larger than myself. Something overwhelming. Something wild and unfettered as mad passion. Books, films, no matter how many times I chance upon the concept, it isn't the same as experiencing it firsthand. It's different than being swept up in my father's mad schemes. Someone has to make sure the devil doesn't bite off more than he can chew, after all. There's something to be said about being the level head of the family. Though the more I think about it, which one of these borrowed lives becomes the one where I finally do act like a member of this family and do something so utterly insane that my father would think I need to be restrained for it?
Again.
Have you ever wanted something so inherently bad for you...?
Wordcount: 807
What: Two hours on the road, FOB's Irresistible and the urge to pick someone's brain.
Status: Complete
On the surface, my father seems to be the kind one would easily consider a 'deadbeat dad', one who would rather live free and ignore his children. That isn't the case. As much as he leaves us to our own devices, he's rather hands on. Never once has he abandoned us. The devil is an overbearing, protective sire. He subverts expectations that way. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe he chooses to dote over me because of my position as his eldest. Because I'm the 'good son', the 'rational son'. Because I have one foot in the grave and my days are numbered. The fact I can't attain a permanent vessel to save my life (quite literally at that) means I don't afford myself too many chances for opportunity. Socializing is certainly off the table. I limit myself to reading and study. Compared to my brothers, this current body is weak. Thin. I make Samael look hale. I spend most my time resting. But that being said...
Have you ever wanted something so inherently bad for you?
You know you shouldn't. Every ounce, every molecule, every cell you own is telling you no. Every instinct says you mustn't and yet... yet.
Ah. Perhaps I must be slightly masochistic.
But even if I am, I figure why not take the chance? I deem it as a combination of masochism and the subconscious need to be wanted... no matter who wants you and for what reason. After all, if my time is limited, then what's the harm? I daresay it's the first impulsive decision I've made in my life. Maybe I truly am my father's son, giving in to something to illogical. Probably my worst judgement call... And somehow, I look forward to it. I'd like to think I was better than my brothers, goodness knows much better than my father who seems to be the father of impulse over anything else.
I also look forward to seeing the look on my father's face when he finds out I've done something terribly risky and utterly dangerous.
Inherently bad for me, yes.
Can you blame me? I spend all this time in a cage of my own design, limited by fetters created out of my own power. That would be the drawback of being the devil's eldest; all this power that no mortal body can contain it. Any body I get is slowly burned from the inside out by my own fire and I've yet to grasp what it takes to find a vessel like my father and Samael have. With my limited time, I'll take what I can get when opportunity to break the mundane strikes, even if it's something the father of irrational decisions would call impulsive.
Some would say I'm at a rebellious age. I'm doing it for attention, so my father notices and scolds me for it. Who knows? But there's a thrill to the forbidden, there's a rush that makes me think those self-identifying adrenaline junkies are on to something. The scolding would make for an interesting evening.
I understand, mind you. I understand the consequences of a soul like mine (or perhaps the essence is the better word) consumed by father-knows-what. Next to father, there is no other demon in Gehenna stronger than I, after all. Were I to offer myself up to pact with someone, they would be gifted with immense power. My partner would have to be someone who I trusted immensely and believed worthy of my power.
It would be nice... I suppose... to find someone I can give myself to that completely.
Unlike any of my brothers, I have no romantic dreams. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I haven't allowed myself to have any. Why dream of something entirely out of my grasp? Why go through the trouble of leaving regrets? Once this shell gets burned through, I return to Gehenna. However, I can't help but be curious. I want to know how it feels, being caught up in something much larger than myself. Something overwhelming. Something wild and unfettered as mad passion. Books, films, no matter how many times I chance upon the concept, it isn't the same as experiencing it firsthand. It's different than being swept up in my father's mad schemes. Someone has to make sure the devil doesn't bite off more than he can chew, after all. There's something to be said about being the level head of the family. Though the more I think about it, which one of these borrowed lives becomes the one where I finally do act like a member of this family and do something so utterly insane that my father would think I need to be restrained for it?
Again.
Have you ever wanted something so inherently bad for you...?
